Thirty More Working Days Until Retirement

 

When I made the decision to retire, I was ambivalent about how much notice would be appropriate. I’ve been with my employer over 23 years. I have immense respect for my VP and genuinely appreciate her. She has been fair and equitable during the years I’ve worked for her.

However, my spouse reminded me that over that 23 years there have been situations in which I was not afforded opportunities for growth because of business needs. I am well aware of my personality traits that make me less than an ideal candidate for senior leadership. If someone asks my opinion, Intendvto give it notwithstanding the perils of doing so in corporate America. 

I have worked in complex casualty insurance claims throughout my career. I self describe as a clean-up batter, a firefighter, an EPA superfund manager, a windmill tilter, a master negotiator, a dump site, a litigation manager, an ear for those who are frustrated, a friend, a provocateur, an excellent analyst, a leader, a resistance fighter, an advocate for the policyholder and a career long commitment to do the right thing.

Sometimes my personal code has conflicted with the leadership of ,y company.  I have refused to compromise my ethics. I am comfortable with that decision even if has cost me promotions.

I’ve refused to drink the kool-aid. I’ve been true to myself. It is time to let go of the corporate world that values profits over integrity, limits merit increases to an average of 2% despite record breaking profits, and a CEO who has made it clear he does not care if people leave.

Yes, I could work another year or two, bump up my 401K and accumulate more stock. But, I just don’t care anymore.

Instead, I’ll enjoy my koi pond, get healthy, enjoy my friends and family, and celebrate every day that I have left.

What it means to be Libertarian

 

Recently, I’ve had posters on social media comment that I cannot be a true Libertarian if I do not accept the concept that biological males should be able to compete against biological women in Collegiate sports. What a load of hypocrites gwash.

As an ideological Libertarian I believe that the government has not right to appropriate the wages I’ve earned to redistribute to those who dropped out of high school, decided to have children out of wedlock and steal money from working Americans, those who decided it was easier to go on the dole than work, those that looked for a physician that would put them on disability even though they can work, or those that think it is okay to let those who work support those who don’t.

The particular issue that generated discord in the last 25 hours- whether it is discrimination under Title VII to deny transgender women the right to compete as women in NCAA sports. It is not. Biological men have strength, endurance and muscularity that gives them a distinct advantage.

Outside of physiological issues, be who you want to be. Identify as you prefer. Live your life to the fullest.as long as you do not insist on foisting your beliefs on me, I am fine. 

That is the tenet of being Libertarian. Live your life as you see fit. Do not infringe on the rights of others. Support limited government. Do not stick your hand in my pockets or bank account.

Essentially, keep government off my property and out of my wallet. Consider the right of others without interference in common sense. Fringe elements have a right to exist on their own property. Just don’t force it on others.

Making the Decision to Retire

 

Making the decision to retire wasn’t easy. It was a struggle to determine if the time is right, if I’d saved enough money to live the life I’ve envisioned, and if I was prepared to give up the identity I’d established as a high performing, valued, claim professional in the P&C insurance industry. There is no question that I’m still at the top of my game. But, the machinations required by my company and the toxic litigation environment made it too challenging to do the job. 

The stress has been overwhelming. It is not as if an incorrect decision would result in people dying or losing their homes or livelihoods; instead it is the acknowledgment that making the wrong recommendation could cost my company millions of dollars and more Thursday morning quarterbacking than I want to endure.

Activism amongst the judiciary, ethically challenged plaintiff attorneys, juries that do not appreciate the value of a dollar, greed, shortsightedness, anger towards corporations that employ people, intolerance for accidents, and the apparent need for some people to transfer wealth from those who create to those who believe society owes them has created a landscape I no longer want to navigate. 

The inmates have co-opted the asylum. Even the parts of the job that energized me no longer compensate for the negativity. My only hope is that the cycle will tilt towards what is reasonable. But, I’m no longer willing to wait.

I’ve Decided To Retire | May 9, 2025!

 

This was me a year ago, March 2024, celebrating my dad’s 92nd birthday. Since that time, we’ve lost my father-in-law, my aunt, my mother-in-law, my dad, and my husband’s bio mom. I’ve had a friend that had a mastectomy just before Christmas and a long time acquaintance, from university that died of brain cancer. 

Talk about a wake-up call!

Life is short. The time passes. All of a sudden we realize that we’ve spent decades trying to accumulate assets so we can retire comfortably. What does that mean? For me, I’ve adjusted what I originally thought was necessary for the next stage. I still have things on my bucket list, but the list is shorter.

Quality of life, finding peace & serenity, living everyday with optimism, celebrating the little things, focusing on health, finding beauty in my environment, being grateful for my blessings, and appreciating the people who have given me the skills to live my life to the fullest bring me joy. 

Perhaps a few more years in the corporate world would have given me a bit more financial flexibility. But, I am at peace with my decision. It is time to embrace the next stage of life! Bring it on!

Disrespect For Our Democratic Procss

 I have not always been a supporter of Donald Trump.However, he is a far superior representative of the USA than our former incompetent, mentally deficient, plagiarist, petty, puppet that was Joe Biden, who diminished our role in the world order.

The Democrats that showed disgraceful disrespect at the State of the Union yesterday are an embarrassment to the USA. The hubris, corrupt, disdain for American citizens is noteworthy. These elected officials make fun of the people they purport to represent. They claim they ‘know better’ than everyone else. It is condescending at the minimum and disdainful in any forum. 

These members of Congress are supposed to represent their constituents. Instead, they represent themselves, their greed, their need for adulation, their egos, their need to feel superior, their disdain for the Constitution and the rule of law.

I was embarrassed by the  antics of the Democrats in Congress. I’ve been dumbfounded by the obstructionist  votes that marginalized the will of the people. 

The Democrats acted with rudeness, antipathy, disgust for fellow Americans who disagree with their skewed view of what life in the USA should be like be.

I applaud Donald Trump assembling a cabinet of outsiders who may shake up the old world order into the  current world in which we live. The Cabinet is diverse. There are views that should generate discussion. Let us hope it is the end of the status quo. 

Term limits! Line item veto for appropriations, tax reform. Cling the right thing. Taking care of  Veterans and paying active duty soldiers a living wage. 

DOGE, Do-nothing Congress, Trump & Entertainment

 

I have lived just outside the Washington, DC beltway for more than 30 years in suburban Maryland and Virginia. For several years I commuted daily into Washington. Washington is a dynamic city with first class museums, beautiful monuments, amazing restaurants and the heartbeat of our federal government. One thing that has resonated with me over the decades is the fact there is virtually no traffic when the government is shut down and only ‘necessary’ employees are required to show up for work. If government employees are not ‘necessary’ why are we paying them with our tax dollars? 💸 

The outcry over Elon Musk and the DOGE team looking for efficiency, fraud, wasted taxpayer dollars, and  right sizing the government puzzles me. I can only suppose that those howling the loudest are afraid DOGE will discover boondoggles, shell companies, the fact that many who work at federal agencies do zero productive work while having more protections than any civilian employees, and that the massive waste caused by the regulatory environment just perpetuates the perception of ordinary Americans that government serves itself.

Yes, jobs will be eliminated. Grants will be revisited and conditions revised. Pork may be made into sausage. Automation will replace people.Contracts will be reviewed and revised with a much  lower allowance for charging overhead. 

But,  it is time we returned to a meritocracy.  Perhaps the audacity of Donald Trump and his fearlessness may give Congress the impetus to do its job. I am furious that so much time, money and argument is wasted on showboating. Just STFU, figure out how to play together in the sandbox, and fix the broken system. For once in my lifetime, I want to see the political class do the right thing for the USA instead of perpetuating the status quo and pandering to special interests to get re-elected. 

In the meantime, I’ll read media reports, social media posts, listen to the apoplexy and enjoy the show. Trump is a showman. I’m enjoying the show. 

Lockerbie with Colin Firth on Peacock

 

My reaction to the first two episodes of Lockerbie, starring Colin Firth, was visceral. December 21, 1988 Libyan operatives smuggled explosives onto Pan Am Flight 103.by way of Malta, which exploded over Lockerbie, Scotland, raining debris over the village and killing several people on the ground. 

This event is personal for me, in part  because I heard about the terrorist attack when I landed in Cincinnati that same evening following air travel from Chiang Kai Shek Airport in Taipei, Taiwan. I’d flown that Pan Am Flight from Heathrow in the past. Ultimately, it was the death for Pan Am, which had been the American flag ship airline from the early days of commercial aviation. Lockerbie defined the moment for me.

I was living in Asia during Tiananmen Square, the 1st gulf war, terror attacks on US facilities.  I knew people who were traumatized by the bombings in Lebanon, the evacuation of US citizens in Tehran during the revolution, the airline and cruise ship high jackings, and understood that if we were in danger- the best places to find help included the Swiss and Canadian government entities…not the US. How disappointing to know that my own government did not have the best interests of its citizens at the forefront.

Perhaps it is for this reason that I felt the agony of those fighting for answers after Lockerbie. Secrecy     Y governmental entities is toxic. It erases trust of citizens. Maybe this is why so many Americans applaud DOGE. Transparency! Light! Peeling away the layers of the onion. 

The people are entitled to truth. God bless Dr. Swire for reminding me that government owes us truth. Lockerbie is a reminder of that. Obfuscating is wrong. Opacity is wrong. We, the people, deserve truth.

After Years of Exploring BedLinens~ It’s Cozy Earth

 

I e spent years looking for the perfect sheets that satisfy the disparate requirements of my spousal unit and me. If I were only concerned about my personal preference, I would luxuriate in my Belgian linen sheets, which I’m saving for the unfathomable future. My partner believes they are too scratchy for his sensitive skin. I love the breathability and natural antibacterial properties.  🤔

My partner loves Egyptian cotton. As a woman of a certain age who continues to experience ‘personal summers’ not allayed by air conditioning, this is a non- starter for me.

About ten years ago, my dearly departed mother suggested exploring bamboo sheets. I did my due diligence and decided to try a set that was offered at Costco at one of the regular special events. This set was comfortable with a disappointing life expectancy. 

During a holiday special, I tried Cozy Earth. We both loved the Cozy Earth sheets that felt like silk, laundered well, and provided the durability we wanted. However, these sheets are expensive. When it came time to replace them, I went down the research rabbit hole looking for comparable quality at a more affordable price point. 

Reviews for the Quince viscose bedding were excellent. My sister exclaimed the quality of Quince products. So, I ordered a set. Within a week the bottom sheet pilled. I reached out to customer service. Quince replaced the set at no cost. The bottom sheet pilled yet again. I tried another resource. My husband found them unsatisfactory. 

Consequently, we decided that at this point in our lives we were worth the cost of Cozy Earth. The new set arrived today. Feeling the sheets as I opened the package convinced me we’d made the right decision. Easy care. Silky. Moisture wicking. Luxurious. I anticipate an excellent night’s sleep. 

Cozy Earth is worth it! 

Looking Forward to New Adventures

 

2025 may be a turning point. I’ve reached a place where I’m yearning for new adventures, the next phase of life, another reinvention. After a year of losses, I feel it is time to move forward and embrace there years ahead of me. 

Interests and hobbies abound. When I pull the plug on my career, I have no trepidation that I will face boredom. There are too many opportunities to embrace- new and old.

On ce our darkroom is divested of car parts, I plan to re-engage in collodion wet-plate photography. I love the process, the artistic engagement, the striving for a unique perspective..

Todd and I together enjoy attending antique car events. I’m particularly enthusiastic about future opportunities now that we’ve jointly invested in a 1929 Auburn. We can now participate in events with the Auburn Cord Duesenberg club. I’m so excited to have a classic Indiana car. 

Gardening, fitness, meditation, exploring new recipes, target practice at the shooting range,  Civil War. Era civilian events, educational travel, wineries, special events at museums in DC & Richmond, longer time spent reading at the beach and trying new dining establishments.

I’m ready. The degradation of the civil litigation environment into a morass of unethical behaviors by judges, attorneys, physicians, legislators, litigation funding agencies, runners, fraudulent individuals, and dimwitted jurors has exhausted me. Whatever happened to honor, ethics, fairness, common sense and reason?? Rhetorical, I know. But I’ve reached a point where I feel the need for a decontamination shower at the end of my workday. 

Moving Forward in 2025

 

After a heartbreaking 2024, Todd and I have decided to celebrate life on 2035. There is no magic formula. It is one minute at a time, one hour at a time, one day at a time. Despite the losses, we know that together we are stronger. We are optimistic about the future. We’ve made plans individually and jointly.

That is the beauty of a healthy relationship. Todd has his goals. I have mine. And we have collaborative plans. I support his goals. He supports mine. That may require one of us to work longer, one of us to embrace independent travel, both of us to make compromises. 

 But that is the beauty of a healthy relationship. We don’t agree on everything. We have joint and disparate interests. We bicker. We discuss. We disagree. We see eye to eye. We know we are on different, parallel, joint paths at the same time. And, it is okay. We support one another. And, we’ve jointly bought a 1929 Auburn. So, we have a plan. 

A Farewell to 2024

 

Major losses of loved ones in 2024 caused me to reevaluate how I want to spend the next chapter of my life. Originally, I’d contemplated working until age 67 to maximize social security benefits; however, the deaths of my father, my Aunt Virginia and both of my husband’s parents within a 6 month span altered my psyche to the extent that I’ve decided to live my best life now. 

The first big decision involved cashing in stock options to pay off debt and build a koi pond with a waterfall. Our contractor, Noah, from Aquatic Creations designed a perfect place for contemplation. And he ensured it would be up and running by my birthday in July. Sitting under a maple tree, just watching the fish swim and listening to the waterfall has brought me so much peace and pleasure.

For the first time in 23 years at my current employer, I used all of my PTO plus the 15 days of bereavement to which I was entitled and felt zero guilt.

Next steps- sell my restricted company stock shares that have been vested and pay off my car. Finally, decide just how much more time I’m willing to devote to a corporation that has treated me well comparatively, but nonetheless would prefer to replace all sentient beings with AI. 

This morning, the last day of 2024, I bundled up, ventured outside, and took a long walk, noting the beauty of the winter countryside, thanking my higher power for my good fortune in having the beautiful loved ones that we’d lost this year for as long as we were blessed to have them, and making the decision to celebrate everyday and everyone I care about in the new year. 

Friends Are Family

 

2024 has been the end of an era. My dear Daddy left us the end of September, a man larger than life. We also experienced the loss of my husband’s parents and my dad’s sister. This has been a year filled with grief. 

But, we’ve also been blessed with the kindness of friends, people who have stepped into the void, raised us up, included us in family holiday gatherings and made us feel welcome. 

There is no greater gift than knowing people that care, include, share, celebrate and create a haven for those of us that feel alone. 

We must have done something right over the years to experience such good fortune. Thank you to the Universe for responding to my manifestations. 🩵

Our First Christmas as Orphans

 

I know I’ve been fortunate to have my dad and my in-laws in my life  for as long as I have. Many people do not have such good fortune. But, it doesn’t matter when your loved ones pass to whatever is beyond. It is a devastating finality that alters one’s perception of life. The loss leaves a crater in one’s heart that can never be filled. 

This is our first Christmas without our parents, the people who raised us, gave us our moral center, and loved us unconditionally. It is not to say without disapproval. Instead, we knew, no matter what dumb stuff we did, our parents would not give up on us. 

Yes,  I know I disappointed both of my parents. It’s just a facet of live. But, that never stopped them from loving me, talking on a Sunday afternoon or giving the benefit of the doubt.

I am grateful for that blessing. And I miss the ability to embrace my loved ones, spend time with them, listen to their stories, and absorb the lessons they learned throughout their lives. I’m not sure what it will take to fill the hole in my heart. 

Bittersweet Holidays

 

2024 has been a transitional year. Between March 31st and the end of September we lost my father-in-law,  my Aunt Virginia, my mother-in -law, a colleague I admired and my dad.  Notwithstanding the grief and pain, I am grateful for the beautiful relationships we shared. But the loss of my dad, the most gentle of gentlemen, broke my heart. 

My dad told stories. He grew up on a farm in southern Indiana without indoor plumbing and electricity. He loved my mom with every fiber of his being. But he enjoyed his cats, his family, his church, his friends, his neighbors, his community, and life. 

Wow, the beautiful people we’ve lost this year could cause me to spiral into depression. But, instead I feel blessed that these wonderful human beings enhanced my life. I’m grateful Daddy lived nearly 8 years after Mom left us. 

This gentle, larger than life, man of 92/brought joy to those around him. I am grateful that we were able to see him on his last goood days, drinking whiskey, enjoying a cigar, and living life a bit less awful because of the gifts of Michigan embracing end of life herbal remedies.

Daddy, I miss you. The tears stream down my cheeks as I write this. But, I’m happy you’ve reunited with mom. 

First Thanksgiving After Losing All Our Parents

 

Melancholy is the word of the week. I feel melancholy, defined in part as pensive reflection or contemplation, depression of spirits.  Thought I was doing well navigating the stages of profound grief. But, my body is slapping me silly with a very rare sore throat, scratchy eyes, mean-spirited sinuses and fatigue. I’ve been trying to just soldier on, moving forward, contemplating my blessings.

Thanksgiving has, for the past 19 years, been our holiday. We loved gathering our loved ones in our home, cooking for them, laughing and loving. 

After my mom passed away at Christmas time 2016, weeks ago continued to host Thanksgiving. Then, in 2020, COVID restrictions took that away from us. We were not able to bring our remaining parents together again. Denial that the conclusion of life as we knew it continued until two years ago. None could travel any longer. Health deterioration - mental and physical sent us spiraling. Then beginning the day a cargo ship caused the collapse of the Francis Scott Key Bridge in Baltimore, my father-in-law, a good hearted man with an incomparable sense of humor left us, followed by my Aunt Virginia in July, my mother-in-law in August and my dad in September. I know we were blessed to have them with us as long as we did, but the pain lies under the surface, at the edge of consciousness, ready to send us into the depths of sadness and despair just at the smell of a pie baking or a song playing or a memory emerging. Melancholy. That is where I am. 

Evidence of Life After Death

 

My dad left us on September 22nd. He joined our mother who had departed this world nearly 8 years previously in December 2016. While I’ve always been unconvinced of Catholic doctrine, the concept of heaven, a belief in the afterlife, Ive still contemplated  whether our souls just disintegrate or move to another realm. I’ve embraced the precept of Buddhism since my years in Asia and do not accept that western and eastern religions are completely disparate. 

What particularly resonates with me are the signs from the Universe that support the theories of an afterlife. These irises bloomed today, October 19, 2024. Notice that I had trimmed the fans weeks ago to prepare them for overwintering. This Iris disagreed with Mother Nature and bloomed not once but twice with double blossoms after my father died.

I interpreted this as a sign that my parents  reunited in the afterlife, that they are enjoying drinks with old friends and relatives, and that they are watching over us. The signs are always there if we are receptive. 

Mourning My Father, Richard B. Copeland

 

My father, Richard Bruce Copeland, departed this earthly life this morning. He was born on March 18, 1932, to Lawrence French and Blanche Vivian Copeland, on a farm in Posey County, Indiana. His mother died when he was four. He and his siblings were not given the opportunity to say goodbye. 

My grandfather was taciturn as a father and essentially ignored his children. He and his siblings, Amos and Virginia, were raised by their Aunt Mary, a strong woman who was blind from the age of 16. She was never a victim.

The farm had no electricity or indoor plumbing. They couldn’t afford a tractor until the 1940s. Dad was determined to get an education and leave southern Indiana. He saved every penny he earned from selling the piglet he was given for his farm work. 

At times he lived in the barn and worked in a warehouse during summers through his years  at Indiana State Teachers College. He was a founding member of ISU’s Sigma Phi Epsilon fraternity. He combined work study to earn his degree. 

My dad believed until his last breath that the happiest day of his life was marrying our mother, Eileen Conroy. He could not believe such a woman could love what he described as a “dirty little farm boy”. 

Dad always felt grateful for the middle class life he achieved in Logansport, Indiana as an elementary school teacher, a member of his church, a contributor to his community, a father, a husband, a friend, a mentor, a Cass County historian, a radio personality, a world traveler, a music lover, a man who loved books, an observer, a storyteller and a man who embraced life to the fullest.

Saying Goodbye to Loved Ones

 

This past Saturday we celebrated the life of my mother-in-law, Janice Ann Harrington, pictured left with my father-in-law,  Norm Harrington, partners for 66 years. 

This was a difficult journey for many reasons. Since the end of March 2024, we experienced the loss of Norm and my Aunt Virginia Butler, my dad’s younger sister. Jan had been suffering with Lewy Body dementia, an insidious disease that robbed her of her memories and physical strength. 

My heart was filled with sorrow for my husband, his extended family and myself. 

I could not have specially ordered better in-laws. I felt nauseous from the moment we began our trip in Virginia, resisting the inevitable loss of the keys figures in our lives. 

After my Jan’s moving service where we shared memories, the family gathered at my sister-in-law’s to share hugs, intentions to stay connected, and bittersweet stories. Then a few of us went out to Wolf Creek Golf Course to see a plaque posted on the 16th hole to honor Norm for his work as a groundskeeper. 

Racing golf carts to the site brought back wonderful memories of the times we’d spent together at Wolf Creek. This brought a sliver of joy to an otherwise melancholy day.

Listening to the Rain & Contemplating Next Stages of Life Considering Government Misadventures

 

My 92 year old father has now been diagnosed with Stage 5 Kidney Disease. His kidneys no longer function. The US government will not allow him to use Medicare for home hospice visits and pay out of pocket to see his nephrologist. He was advised that is ‘illegal’. This should dumbfound me; however, the socialist running the deep state do not care about everyday citizens trying to live a few more days among their loved ones. It is heath care rationing pure and simple. 

Daddy is angry his kidneys aren’t functioning. Other than the kidney disease, he is ambulatory, mostly of sound mind,  able to climb stairs to his bedroom, go out for lunch, enjoy a cigar and visit with friends. The fact he’s been told it is illegal to use Medicare for one service and pay for another is ludicrous, anti American, Marxist, with blatant disregard of the rights of man.

I know my siblings and I have been blessed to have our father with us for 92 years. But he should be allowed to fight for every breath, using the benefits he’s earned and the money he’s saved.

This is a man who grew up on a farm in southern Indiana without a mother, indoor plumbing, electricity or a tractor. He paid his way through college with money earned by selling his annual pig, working in a warehouse while living in a barn, and using work study at Indiana State. My parents saved money, working as elementary school teachers by choosing to live on the less elite side of town and counting pennies. They saved to send their three children to college. They worked hard, save diligently, built a life based upon love and community service, only to be marginalized by government bureaucracy. 

I am saddened, heartbroken, angry and motivated to ensure the status quo changes. At this point I would rather see an asshole with a toxic personality in the White House than a sycophant indebted to the political machines of either party. We need to dissolve the power of the Democrats and Republicans and elevate grassroots politicians with common sense ideas that consider those who truly need public assistance, stay out of morality issues, institute a simple, fair tax system, encourage the development of small businesses, refuse to bail out institutions with taxpayer money, balance the budget, insist on line item vetoes, establish term limits for all elected offices, discourage former politicians from earning millions after leaving office, punish true criminals, eradicate political corruption entirely, require Congress and federal employees to rely on the same benefits as those in the private sector, eliminate unions for public employees, institute a private sector type process for federal employee disciplinary actions, require members of Congress to maintain an actual residence with furniture, taxes, residency requirements in the state they represent, allow zero gifts, and bar  any former employees of Congress, the cabinet offices, employees of federal agencies, or any other government positions from working for any law firm, business, nonprofit or any other entity that lobbies, engages lobbyists, or exploits in any way any knowledge, connection, relationship, to gain any scintilla of favor or money or concession or privilege or even a free donut for 5 years after leaving such position. 

Maybe, someday, this will, in part, atone for the reckless disregard of American citizens perpetrated by the elected, appointed, hired,  contracted, persons who have ravaged the rights of the people.

Grieving Loses

 https://www.wagleyfuneralhomes.com/obituaries/Janice-Harrington-5/#!/TributeWall

This is the last photo of my mom and my mother in law together with my spousal unit and me. It was Thanksgiving 2016. We had no idea it would be our last collective Thanksgiving together. Ever since Todd and I had decided to make a life together in 2005, we hosted Thanksgiving for our loved ones. We so loved having our parents and whoever else joined us come to our rocky ridge to celebrate our good fortune at our home.

My mom and my mother-in-law immediately bonded. 

We enjoyed laughing together and shopping at Talbots and Chico’s the day after Thanksgiving, followed by visiting a couple of  Virginia wineries.

My mom was the first to leave us. She had been diagnosed with recurring breast cancer and made the decision to eschew treatment and refrain from telling us about her condition. She was gone by the end of 2016.

Subsequently, in 2024, my in-laws succumbed to age and illness, leaving us bereft, feeling lost, unable to process life on life’s terms. We are still reeling from grief. 

But, I am grateful for the years we were able to celebrate our blessings with our beloved family members. I am still trying to process and accept that these dynamic, loving, good, generous people are no longer here to share love, laughter, joy, beauty, opinions, support, experience, insight, family history, hugs, an ear, understanding, advice, comfort, reassurance, and connection. 

I miss my mom, my mother in law, my father in law, my aunt, my grandparents more than I can say. But, I am filled with gratitude that I’ve been blessed with the memories of such wonderful people. 

Why I Stopped Caring About The Olympics

 

During my youth and early adulthood, my family members and I would gather around the moderately sized television in the kitchen and eagerly await the opening ceremonies of the Olympic Games. It was always exciting to watch the amateur athletes in the parade of nations enter a stadium or arena, proudly representing their nations. 

Even though we knew the Soviet block countries, China and East Germany cheated, there were still moments of beauty, an exceptional talent coming out of nowhere, the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat, I felt part of a world that rewarded the best. 

Politics has always been part of the Olympics. But the monetization, the boycotts, the participation by professional athletes, the dark side of children being mistreated for American glory, the sexual abuse, the doping, the NCAA oligarchy, trans women competing in women’s sports, and the continued focus on medal count has ruined what used to be represented as the Olympic Spirit for me.

I think the last glorious moment for me was the Miracle On Ice in 1980 when the amateur American Hockey team prevailed over the Soviets. Now, team sports are comprised of NBA and NHL stars. So not interesting or fun! If I want to watch professional tennis, I’ll tune into Wimbledon. 

It was also a huge mistake to shift the winter games and summer games into alternating cycles with an Olympics every other year! Too much! 

Yep, it is all about money, cronyism, back room deals, overlooking rules, making exceptions or excuses, pandering instead of standing up for even a modicum of an ideal. It is now just another circus.

Musings on my 65th Birthday

 

Today is my 65th birthday. It seems impossible to comprehend the passage of so many years. Where did the time go? How did 65 years fly by in what feels like the blink of an eye! I can still recall being a four year old child, looking out the window of my brother’s bedroom, watching the elementary students at Saint Bridget boarding school buses across the street and dreaming of someday being a part of that group! 

Now I am reflecting on the wonderful experiences of a well lived life to date and thinking about how life in America and the world has changed since July 21, 1959. 

I entered the world on the cusp of the space age. The Gemini, Mercury and Apollo astronauts were my heroes. I mourned the murders of JFK, RFK and MLK. I watched the Apollo 11 moon landing, gave bicentennial tours of CASS county, Indiana in 1976, traveled to London and Paris on a school adventure when I was 16.

My friends and I sang in choirs, wrote for the Logansport High School yearbook and newspaper, went to speech meets and music contests, enjoyed high school basketball, football and baseball games. We gathered at our friends houses and argued about politics and religion. We believed in the promise of our futures in an America that afforded opportunities. 

It was a turbulent time during my childhood. The conflict in Vietnam. The political unrest. Civil Rights demonstrations and progress. The women’s movement. A whirlwind of change, progress, unrest, great music, the counterculture, and women and other minorities finally stepping on the first rung of the corporate ladder. 

Today, I’m contemplating retirement after 40+ years in the insurance industry, a career built solely on the basis that I needed a job, was offered a job as a claims adjuster, and accepted the job even though I didn’t know anything about the work. That happened quite often to young people of my cohort. We embraced opportunities without thinking about fulfillment, work life balance, or perks. Earning a paycheck ruled the day.

I do not look back with regrets, wishing I’d made different or better decisions. Every step, whether excellent, horrible, pretty good, savvy, stupid, boneheaded, thoughtful, impulsive, right or wrong, healthy or unhealthy, kind or cruel, brought me to where I am today. And I am content, genuinely happy, and in a place primarily filled with peace and serenity and gratitude for the good fortune, abundance, excellent health, integrity, blessings and beauty that surrounds me. 

Time To Invoke The 25th Amendment

 

If the Biden family is too much filled with hubris, entitlement, blind ambition and narcissism to convince Joe Biden to withdraw from the 2024 election, the Cabinet must do what is right for the country and invoke the 25th Amendment. It is their sworn duty to the citizens of the country they promised to serve. Many lose sight of the fact they’ve sworn to defend the Constitution of the United States, not a man, woman, political party, officer, family member, donor, PAC or committee. The allegiance is owed to the PEOPLE. 

Biden’s performance on the world stage prior to his debacle of a debate performance has made the USA a laughing stock. His catastrophic debate performance caused Trump to appear statesman like. Biden looked and acted like a cadaver on Red Bull. I was waiting for him to drool on his tie. As an American citizen, I felt humiliated by how this performance made the USA look to friends and enemies alike.

Many Democrats voted for Biden in the primaries because the DNC declined to allow other candidates on the ballots. The DNC, the Biden family, the cadre of sycophants surrounding Biden, and the media turned blind eyes from open and obvious mental, psychological, and physical decline to prop up a sock puppet they can control. 

Enough! He needs to be removed from office now. He lacks cognitive ability. He is feeble bodied and feeble minded. He is barely more animated than Dianne Feinstein during her last months. It is time for a director with a shepherd’s crook to yank him off stage. 

Hesitant About Retirement Because I Like Stuff

I am ready to retire; however, I still have challenges resisting the accumulation of more stuff. I love shoes, handbags, accessories, home goods, ephemera, artwork, antiques, new clothes,  and the process of acquiring more stuff. I don’t need new stuff, but I enjoy new stuff. 

I love new things.I easily tire of my wardrobe. My plants need replenishing.my wine fridge wants to be filled to capacity. Our deck needs t be decorated with an abundance of flowers. Austerity is not my thing. Consequently, the concept of relying on life savings and social security causes me angst. 

Notwithstanding the above, I am at the stage where I am ready to exit full time employment and enjoy the fruits of my 40 year career. I’m still struggling the understand what that means. Yes, I know my need for new handbags, shoes and pseudo professional fashion is coming to an end. But how do I navigate that change? Any suggestions? 

For your enjoyment, a link to George Carlin’s riff on stuff. This is a true classic.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MvgN5gCuLac

What Happened to the American Work Ethic?

 

My parents retired from reaching elementary school in 1992 after decades of service to the Cass County, Indiana Public School System. They worked long hours after the conclusion of the school day grading papers, planning lessons, serving on charitable committees, raising money for good causes, ensuring their three children completed homework and participated in extracurricular activities, and made a concerted effort to sit down to a family meal every evening. 

Our family did not go out to restaurants or fast food joints. We couldn’t afford it. All three of us learned early that it was expected that we work hard and learn the value of money. I worked in a hospital kitchen in junior high school and as a waitress ( before the term server was deemed proper). My brother scraped road kill off the pavements with his summer gig for the highway department.  My sister cleaned houses, mowed lawns at the cemetery and did odd jobs at a local pork processing plant. My dad taught summer school every year so we could afford a family vacation. 

It was instilled in us that the world owed us nothing. We understood we were privileged to live in the USA, which afforded us opportunities that people in other countries did not enjoy. 

Finding a job after graduating college was expected. Any job. Not just a job that paid a lot, gave us flexible hours or likelihood of promotion or personal fulfillment or prestige. Instead, it was expected that we would accept a job, near the bottom of the food chain, with enough income to pay rent & utilities, and learn how to be part of a team. Many of my colleagues of a similar cohort ended up in their careers because we needed a job and someone gave us a chance. Success or failure then depended in large part on how we played the game. 

Too many novice employees in recent years want it all immediately. They want money, recognition, flexibility, a work/ life balance, fulfillment, loan forgiveness and prosperity without putting in the time, hours, sweat equity, inconvenience and relationship building necessary to succeed. 

It is clear that society needs a reset. Children should learn early and often that life isn’t fair. There are winners and losers. That if you don’t pay your loan or mortgage you can lose your car and house. And that the quality of life for most Americans is exponentially better than in most other corners of the world. 

I know I am filled with gratitude for the lessons I learned from my parents.

House of the Dragon in the Year of the Dragon

 

Dragons fascinate me. I moved to Taipei in the Year of the Dragon. During my years living in Asia I collected dragons. The mythology in Great Britain celebrating Saint George slaying the dragon intrigued me. I loved the dragon dances, the representation of royalty and power, the sheer glory of such an imposing, fire breathing, colorful, flying magical, magnificent mythical creature! 

When I first became enamored with Game of Thrones, a great deal of the fascination involved my imaginative impossible dream of riding a dragon. I know, this is the stuff of the Magical Mystery Tour  mixed with Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds. 

Echo released a beautiful silk scarf at the beginning of 2024 to celebrate the Year of the Dragon yet again. The scarf sold out in nanoseconds. I had to sign up on a waiting list for restock and ordered it the minute I was notified it was available! It is generally considered auspicious to have babies in the Year of the Dragon. 

As I watched the first episode this evening of House of the Dragon Series 2, I was once again reminded that dreaming of  riding mythical creatures is a reasonable pastime. Why not imagine the impossible? Why not fantasize about something wildly magical and uplifting! Think about it, humans have been dreaming impossible dreams since Scheherazade told the stories of  1001 nights!   It is in our DNA to imagine the unimaginable. Embrace it! I do.

I’ve been writing this blog for 12 years!

 

I’ve just realized I’ve been writing this blog for 12 years! It started as an emotional outlet. It evolved into a diary 

Wow! The trajectory of my life has morphed into something I wouldn’t have contemplated 12 years ago. My mom passed away 7 1/2 years ago. I thought she’d be the last one standing. My father-in-law is gne. My mother-in-law has dementia.  My dad is 92. We’ve loved 25 cats. I’m eligible for Medicare next month. I’ve decided to retire in a year!

Sometimes I look in the mirror and wonder who is staring back at me. What happened to the girl with 45 years of working in her future? How did the years pass so quickly without warning? 

But, at the end of the day I am filled with gratitude for a life well lived, a husband I love through good times and challenging times, the gift of a few incomparable friends, a peaceful home on a rocky ridge, a brother I admire, a career that has served me well, excellent health, a positive attitude, beautiful memories, and the adventures to come. 

Namaste !

The Continuing Gifts of Al Anon~ Years Into Recovery

 

I’ve not lived with an alcoholic or addict since 2004; however, the tools I learned in Al Anon continue to give me the strength, hope and abilities to navigate the challenges I continue to face today.

When I first accepted, after 10 years on Step 1, that I was completely powerless over other people, places & things…including drug and alcohol, it was an awakening. Seriously, it took me 10 years of meetings to ‘get’ the first step! We all have our own paths. 

But, the journey was essential to my healing. While I rarely attend meetings, the lessons I’ve learned have given me the experience, strength & hope to make positive decisions.

My current relationship is far from perfect. But, the lessons I’ve learned and the tools I’ve incorporated into my tool belt have given me the confidence to make healthy decisions for my wellbeing.

Whenever I hop into bed after a particularly challenging day, I recite the 12 steps of Al Anon, recite the Serenity Prayer, acknowledge my gratitude for my good fortune, ask my higher power for courage to accept the things I cannot change, and celebrate my blessings.

The community, experience, strength and hope I found when I was at the depth of my despair, saved my sanity and my life. If you are hurting because someone in your life is an addict or alcoholic, reach out and find a path to recovery. It is a lifelong journey. 

Some Old Fashioned Values Should Be Taught Again

 

This photo shows me with my 92 year old Dad. I grew up in the 1960s and 1970s. There was no such thing as a helicopter parent, excuses for misbehavior, trophies for everyone, safe spaces, pandering to children. Yes, my siblings and I experienced corporal punishment. Two of us believe it as appropriate and did not affect our sensitive psyches. The youngest, who had the least oversight, believes that only di food spoils, not children. That did not work out so well.

So, these are some precepts that every child in my cohort learned:

1) Do unto others as you would have them do unto you;

2) if you don’t have anything nice to say about another, don’t say anything at all;

3) Sticks & stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me;

4) Don’t judge another unless you’ve walked a. Ike in his shoes;

5) judge not lest ye be judges/

6) People who live in glass houses should never throw stones;

7) he who is without sun should throw the first stone; 

8) Grudges, resentment & hate only hurt oneself. 

8) kindness costs nothing 

9) Opinion is not fact; 

10) hading behind a pseudonym or anonymity is cowardly. Always take ownership for your comments.

Overall, my biggest frustration is the number of people or bots that judge, criticize, denigrate  cast aspersions or express vitriol anonymously online, particularly in comments to news stories. Grow a set and be open, honest and forthright. Don’t hide behind a fake handle. Take ownership of what you write and your opinions or shut your cowardly trap the f#$k up! 

Find Peace Within Yourself in Times of Turmoil

 A few weeks ago I visited my 92 year old father in Logansport, Indiana. I know that I’m fortunate to be able to spend time with my dad. We’ve both experienced the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune in our everyday lives and in the political sphere. 

Dad is a rabid republican. I am an unapologetic libertarian. Neither of us has tolerance for those who denigrate America. We’ve both traveled and experienced the travails of people who live in socialist, communist, fascist, oppressive, martial law, autocratic countries run by despots. Travel has confirmed for both of us that those who disagree with the American experiment are either idiots, uneducated, uninformed, indoctrinated, confused, conditioned, corrupted, lost, mentally unstable, or spies for autocratic governments. One cannot travel the world without realizing the freedoms we in the USA enjoy everyday. 

Name a communist government that has not repressed, imprisoned or executed its people in the name of re-education. 

The Demise of Civility, Honor, Integrity & Collegiality

 

Maybe the tide will turn. Perhaps disgust at the weaponization of the legal system for political manipulation will cause Americans to stop and contemplate the cycle of condemnation, oppression, the inability to see the repercussions of dimwitted actions, and conclude that the sideshow that should be the embarrassment of our collective selves must stop.

Do those who think that prosecuting a former president for what has for centuries amounted to business as usual not consider the tit for tat! 

The Wall Street Journal this morning published an editorial in which the author recalled the civility of politicians of The Greatest Generation, those who shared the collective experience of World  War II, who believed that America represented the best and the brightest, whose people knew that evil must be expunged, that working together made us stronger, that nations that have been invaded by evil doers have the right and duty to defend themselves no matter the collateral damage. 

The pogroms perpetrated by Hamas must be answered by Israel. The genocide committed by the Chinese against the Uighurs must be stopped. The political extremism by elected representatives must end. 

Americans should be compelled to review the Constitution and Bill of Rights, consider history in the context of its times, and eliminate political opponents the old fashioned way- yellow journalism, elections, civil or uncivil debate…but never by partisan criminal prosecution.

We’ve just commemorated Memorial Day, when we are called to remember those who gave their all so that we remain free from oppression. Those who forget the past have no right to judge. 

May 2024~ Columbia Protests | Trump Trial | The Met Gala ~ It Is All Tawdry

Echo Year of the Dragon Scarf

 

The Chinese Year of the Dragon has brought New York City to new levels of tawdry train wrecks that cause much of the rest of the USA to thank the Universe for geographical distance. It is a circus. All we are missing is a ringmaster, trapeze artists and funnel cakes.

First, the protests at Columbia University supporting the terrorists organization, Hamas, while chanting against the Jewish state with likely zero awareness of history. It is my belief that every high school student should be required to watch the following shows, since reading requires too much of an attention span: Band of Brothers, The Pacific, Masters of the Air, They Shall Not Grow Old, Schindlers List, La Vita e Bella, The Pianist, and Europa Europa among others. Not to mention a compulsory visit to a Holocaust Museum or a concentration camp.

The Trump trial is a tragedy of epic proportions. Whether one loves, hates, or tolerates Donald Trump, the spectacle is a disgrace to the USA on the world stage. There are circumstances in which a former leader of a country deserve to be tried; however, and actions taken by Trump and his cronies do not rise to the level of high crimes & misdemeanors. Why don’t the prosecutors consider that prosecution of former presidents should be limited to treason, genocide, murder of innocent civilians, staging an actual coup d’etat, having enemies assassinated, and the like. Consider, the checks and balances in the Constitution worked. No harm. No foul.

And finally, the media coverage of The Met Gala. I am a member of The Met. The Costume preservation is to be lauded and supported. However, this event appears to have been high-jacked by “ influencers’, faux celebrities, wealthy people with no taste, and low-rent troglodytes who think see-through is cutting edge or glamorous. Hello! None of these exhibitionist could hold a candle to Cher! Apparently Anna Wintour has allowed the ‘wannabes’ to take over what was once  a hallowed event. No more. 

Just… TAWDRY 

I Am A Woman of a Certain Age & I will Not Hide My Crepey Arms!

 

So many fashion blogs and articles recommend that wmen of a certain age should wear at least elbow length sleeves even in the heat of summer to save the general public from having to view our less than youthful arms. Forget-about-it! If somebody is offended by the creases in my inner elbows, it is their problem, not mine.

When the sun elevates the temperature to near tropical temperatures, I will embrace my tank tops, halters, strapless spaghetti strap tops with confidence. Really, are my less than muscular arms less attractive than that of a zaftig woman 30 years my junior wearing the Tik Tok fashions of the day? I think not! 

It causes me sadness to consider all of the women who worry about exposing their less than youthful arms, insisting on elbow length matronly shirts for fear of celebrating the achievement of survival.

We have earned the right to bare arms! Isn’t that a Constitutional right? 

Considering Retirement

 

In July I have a milestone celebration, my 65th birthday. I don’t  feel aged. I have no infirmities. I’m at the top of my game in a technical role at work. I appreciate my manager. I have the upmost respect for our group leader. However, last week it was announced there is yet another reorganization. I am fatigued with reorganization. I understand that people who eschew management positions make the decision to remain relatively unsung in the corporate hierarchy. I’m at peace with that. But sometimes, the decisions made appear to be unrelated to what is good for the company and the employees who toil wordlessly as the cogs in the wheel, without voice, agency, the ability to challenge the status quo, or seek consideration. 

I’m one of the lucky ones who feels appreciated and is asked for feedback on occasions. 

But, I have concerns that those in the ivory towers miss  so much of what makes an organization dynamic.

It is the people who show up everyday, online or in person, that keep the clock ticking and the organization thriving. Best those at rather top keep that in mind.

College Protesters Should be Required to Visit a Holocaust Museum

 

The fact that so many colleges and universities have cadres of students setting up encampments and singing to support Hamas shows how the American educational system has failed miserably in teaching youth about actual history as opposed to reimagined history.

I have befriended people through out the diaspora of the Middle East throughout my lifetime. The part of the world that is believed to be the cradle of civilization encompasses Arab, Persian, Jewish, Palestinian and numerous other subcultures. This geographical area has been the subject of wars, disagreements, hate, passion, dislocation of people, religious strife, biological differences and border disputes for millennia. 

What causes me the greatest disbelief is the fact that most of these protesters supporting Hamas have zero knowledge and understanding of the geopolitical issues of the region.

I know people who have been expelled by their home countries because of religious or political strife. I know people who had to escape Iran in 1979. I know people who were in the US Embassy in Lebanon when it was bombed. I know people who lost families in the Holocaust. I know people who were forced from their homes when the Jewish state was created. 

But unless one has been to a concentration camp, experienced horror of true genocide, walked through a museum commemorating the Holocaust, talked to a survivor, read Night, watched ‘Its a Beautiful Life’ or ‘Schindlers List’, studied the history of a time just a few decades ago, toured the memorial to the USS Arizona, talked to Jews today who feared for family members on October 7, 2023…you have no right to protest, to argue that Israel has no right to exist or to defend its people and borders. You are no less culpable for the atrocities committed by Hamas than the terrorists who killed babies, innocent civilians, young people celebrating, the infirm or elderly. 

Celebrating Life

 

My husband and I recently celebrated our 18th wedding anniversary. That may not seem like a glorious journey, but for us it was an affirmation of life.

Our parents enjoyed over 60 years of marriage. That was a different time. We are both grateful that our parents continued to appreciate one another over 6 decades, with love, humor and tolerance.

Our generation has been different. We both had starter marriages, marriages that failed for various reasons, relationships that just didn’t work. Rather than wallow in the negativity of those unsuccessful relationships, we kept putting ourselves out there, believing in kismet, knowing that the numbers game could ultimately bring us together with a soulmate. 

It happened. This is not to say everyday is glorious. There are times in which we disagree. But, in the scheme of life, we support one another, share the good and the bad, try to always remember the reasons we connected and decided to make it work. 18 years. We still like each other, still appreciate what we bring to the relationship, still accept our differences, still have a joint goal and vision of the future. That is what makes my heart sing. 

Be Prepared !

 

Do I look like the stereotypical‘prepper’? I think not! I would like to think that reasonable minds will prevail and  Americans will come together and eschew the vitriolic rhetoric that pervades our country today.

But, I’m far less confident that our better angels will prevail in today’s environment. Everyone and everything seems to be politicized. There seems to be no moral consensus. There is too much us or them! Why? Why can’t the citizens of this country come together to celebrate our similarities rather than our differences? 

I was raised in a family that taught me and my siblings that we are all entitled to the same rights, the same opportunities, the same rules of law, the same freedoms no matter our race, creed, color, country of origin, disability, socioeconomic level, religion, place of birth, or sex. 

The divisiveness today boggles my mind. I as taught to accept every individual as that person was whatever the color, size, religion, country of origin, differences, beliefs, level of wealth, where one lived.’ I grew up on the ‘wrong ‘side of town. My dad grew up poor on a farm in southern Indiana. My mom was the daughter of a plumber. My parents were teachers. We had enough, but not more than enough. My parents sacrificed to give us opportunities. 

My siblings and I grasp those opportunities and have lived extraordinary lives considering where we began. We’ve achieved relative success. We’ve been blessed. We worked hard, made good & bad decisions, used the tools we earned, overcame adversity, experienced highs and lows, crawled out of the depths of despair, regrouped and tried again, and thanked the Universe and the God of our understanding for our blessings.

That is the American way. We do not blame. We do not burn cities. We do not cast aspersions. We do not succumb to self pity. We do not exploit our fellow citizens. We do not use excuses for our shortcomings. We do not blame others for situations over which we have control.

Live The Serenity Prayer! 

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference.

THIS is the path to happiness and success. 

Memories of Easter When I Was a Child

 

Easter was a solemn holiday during my formative years. We were raised in the Catholic Church. Well, we lived across the street from the Catholic Church, Catholic School, the rectory and the convent where the nuns lived. There was no escaping the holy days of obligation, not to mention the required services of Holy Week. 

Rebellion was not an option. Ash Wednesday; sacrifice during Lent; meatless Fridays; the Way of the Cross; Holy Thursday; the rosary; Good Friday; Holy Saturday and the celebration of the Resurrection on Easter morning. It was a 6 week period of penitence, never ending religious services, and the ultimate endgame of Easter morning with an Easter egg hunt followed by ham, deviled eggs, green bean casserole, blueberry muffins and, an overdose of milk chocolate. 

Mom also ensured we had brand new Easter outfits. She generally sewed my sister and I new dresses and matching coats. Easter bonnets were required in the days preceding Vatican 2. 

After church my parents hosted Easter dinner after the requisite whiskey sours and lively conversation. Generally, a few elderly aunts with dementia held court talking about fantasy days of your. Uncle Mart had to be sprung from the drunk tank. Aunt Kate ground her cigarette ashes into the linoleum. My mother’s sister had a newspaper under her chair to catch the crumbs she routine dropped on the floor. Grandpa drowned his cigarette buts into his beer bottle that my brother sipped nonetheless. We thought it was

The years have flown by. People we’ve loved have left us. Time have changed. We have changed. But the precious memories of days gone by remain. If only I’d known what I know now. I never imagined how time would wound, take away my loved ones, create holes in my heart, change me, alter my view of the world, expunge my faith, shatter my psyche, steal my optimism, direct me to a path fraught with sadness, insecurity, instability, disappointment, discomfort and lack of direction. Part of me longs for those days of my innocent childhood when family dinners and Easter egg hunts surrounded by family and loved ones made life feel joyful and never ending. Damn! Adukting sucks !