Parental Alienation Harms Multiple Generations
While
many married couples of my parents’ generation have weathered the highs and
lows of life and successfully navigated more than five decades of
marriage, a significant number of my
friends, acquaintances and contemporaries have been less successful. This has resulted in an increasing phenomenon
of parental alienation, a situation in which a bitter, angry, hurt custodial
parent will either unintentionally or actively try to destroy their child’s
relationship parent they believe to be evil incarnate and the reason for
everything that has gone awry in their lives.
It
is my belief that my youngest stepdaughter has been alienated from her father. She
accepts as fact every negative thing her mother said about her dad. While I
have no idea whether the alienation was intentional or accidental borne out of
frustration and bitterness, the results have been painful. But the
indoctrination was so all encompassing that even as a young adult, she refuses
to accept there are two sides to every story, that it takes 2 people in a
relationship to make it work, that every individual has his or her own truth,
and that ultimately, one needs to love and accept a parent for who he or she is
today – not 25 years ago.
Because
of the estrangement, our grandson has been deprived of developing a
relationship with his grandfather, his great grandparents, and his great, great
grandmother. My in-laws were deprived of
the opportunity to bond with their granddaughter and to enjoy their great
grandson. My stepdaughter declined to
attend the 100th birthday party for her great grandmother. She has
distanced herself from an aunt she reportedly loves who told her something she
didn’t want to hear and recommended that she learn to appreciate her father for
all that he is, was and will be.
Ultimately,
five generations have been harmed by this alienation. For someone who feels
such gratitude that I still have both of my parents in my life and who still
misses my paternal grandfather who died in early 1989, it is nearly beyond my
comprehension that my stepdaughter does not feel the same gratitude for the
dynamic people now on the periphery of her life and that of her child, that she
doesn’t see how she is harming her child in depriving him of what could be
valuable, happy, and memorable relationships.
Life
is short. I hope she doesn’t wait too
long to make amends.
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