I
knew it was inevitable; but I’ve been in denial for years. My mom and dad have
always been strong, motivated to maintain muscle tone and mental acuity,
focused on wellness, and fighting aging on every level. They’ve stayed active. They both work out at
the YMCA, practice chair yoga, and remain involved with their community service
activities, church groups and friends. When their friends die, they cultivate
younger friends.
But
three weeks ago my mother began experiencing debilitating pain in her hips,
groin and legs. Her limbs became numb and she lost the ability to ambulate. She
may be 85, but she is not my grandmother’s 85, 75, 65 or 55. In her world 85 is
the new 65. She resisted seeking medical attention. That is what the children
of the Depression do. They suck it up; endure; press on; deny the pain; keep
fighting for independence; and refuse to call an ambulance. They see a
physician as a last resort and refuse to give in until the pain is too bad. My
parents also refuse to ask their children to come visit during a health crisis
It isn’t necessary; we aren’t on death’s door; we will be fine; as the Black
Knight on the bridge in Monty Python & The Holy Grail would say Tis but a
scratch! Tis but a flesh wound!
But
it is a big deal to me. It is important to my siblings. We know we are blessed and extremely
fortunate that we have both of our parents among us at this stage in our lives
when we are all of a certain age. Yet we are not ready to let them go “gentle into
that good night”. It is also
disheartening that no matter how we fight the indignities of our aging selves
we cannot avoid the slings and arrows of the outrageous fortune of getting
older. Our bodies will betray us.
Seeing
my parents fight the onslaughts of aging reminds me of my good fortune and my
mortality. I don’t like being reminded of my mortality at the age of 56 any
more than I did at 17. The difference is that now I appreciate and have
gratitude for the lessons I’ve learned on the winding road I’ve traveled. And I
thank my parents for giving me the gift of their lives as role models, the
tools to live a life of independence, and the heart to love them and learn from
them.
I
want them to keep fighting the good fight!
